Becky and I have been married for 35 years.
I wish I could tell you that our marriage has been like a fairytale or one of those Hollywood romantic movies. You know what I am talking about. Boy meets girl, boy loses girl because of something dumb he does, boys wins girl back, they get married, have kids and live happy ever after. You know those movies, right?
However, if I were to tell you that is how our marriage is, I would be lying… all except the part about me doing something dumb… too many to count.
The truth is our marriage seemed to be doomed from the very start. We were married in May of 1985 and our first child was born in August of 1985. At this point, I did not have a relationship with God and was just doing things that I watched as I was growing up in a very dysfunctional home. I had no idea how to be a husband or a father.
Those initial feelings of googly eyes that I had for my wife quickly started to disappear. The pursuit that I had for Becky now changed to a pursuit of my career, trying to get to the top of the corporate ladder as fast as I could. With every promotion came the feeling that I wanted more. I was never satisfied.
Our marriage seemed always in distress. We fought about money, household chores, parenting, quality time and sex. We were so busy with life that we never got around to solving any of our problems. We just swept them under the rug until the fight would return. It was a vicious cycle and we had no idea how to stop the pounding, raging waves.
We both felt neither of our needs were being met. To be honest, I was tired of the constant fighting. I never thought when we said the marriage vows of “for better or for worse” that the worst would be thoughts of divorce as being the best and only option.
I had arranged to meet with my attorney on a Monday to start the divorce proceedings. It was the Sunday morning before that God showed up. I had just woken up and turned on the television to find Kerry Shook, a pastor from the Woodlands, giving a message on marriage. He said two things that caught my attention.
He said, “It is better to be holy than happy because with holiness comes happiness.” And then he read Ephesians 5:25, “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” Jesus gave up his life for his bride (the church).
What I heard made me think, “Lord, you don’t want me to be happy. You want me to die for her.” To be completely honest, I did not even like her at the time.
A few days earlier, I had been reading John 21:15-17 where Christ asked Peter three times if he loved him. While I was still watching Kerry Shook, I heard God ask me those same questions.
“Ronnie, do you love me?” I answered, “Yes, Lord, I love you.” You see, just two years earlier, I had given my life to Christ… but had I? Really?
I felt him again, ask a second time, “Ronnie, do you love me?” I said, “Yes, Lord, you must know I love you.” I had joined a small group. I was reading my bible daily and going to church every Sunday.
I felt him ask a third time, and I said, “Yes, Lord, I love you.” Then in a small whisper in my heart, I heard him say, “Show me. Show me by loving your wife.”
God saved our marriage! And he can save yours.
It took us seeing a Christian marriage counselor and walking with a group of Christian friends. We invested in our marriage and attended a marriage retreat yearly. We committed to each other no matter how bad it got. Neither of us was going to leave. But most importantly, we put God in the center of our lives. God made what seemed impossible possible.
Becky and I have a passion to pay forward what God has done for us in our marriage. God has placed in our hearts a deep desire to make this one difference for his Kingdom. That one thing is to be used to help strengthen and save marriages.
Becky and I have led the marriage ministry at our church for the last seven years. We have been involved in counseling over 200 marriages. We have also been trained in the intensive counseling model.
This is our calling.
We are so excited about The Refuge Marriage Encounter and we are confident that, at The Refuge, your marriage will be transformed!
Ron & Becky
The Refuge Marriage Encounter is founded upon Psalm 91:
1 Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High
will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
2 I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress,
my God, in whom I trust.”
3 Surely he will save you
from the fowler’s snare
and from the deadly pestilence.
4 He will cover you with his feathers,
and under his wings you will find refuge;
his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.
5 You will not fear the terror of night,
nor the arrow that flies by day,
6 nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness,
nor the plague that destroys at midday.
7 A thousand may fall at your side,
ten thousand at your right hand,
but it will not come near you.
8 You will only observe with your eyes
and see the punishment of the wicked.
9 If you say, “The Lord is my refuge,”
and you make the Most High your dwelling,
10 no harm will overtake you,
no disaster will come near your tent.
11 For he will command his angels concerning you
to guard you in all your ways;
12 they will lift you up in their hands,
so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.
13 You will tread on the lion and the cobra;
you will trample the great lion and the serpent.
14 “Because he loves me,” says the Lord, “I will rescue him;
I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.
15 He will call on me, and I will answer him;
I will be with him in trouble,
I will deliver him and honor him.
16 With long life I will satisfy him
and show him my salvation.”